They watch everything you do

One of the most disconcerting experiences for a new manager is the first time you realize that everyone on your team watches everything you do.

If you get up from your desk, people watch to see where you’re going. Someone always knows when you’re in the bathroom. They watch your face when the VP of Production leaves your office, and make guesses about what your expression means. They watch to see if you smile more at Sally than you do at Tom, and make guesses about what that means too. They learn to read your tells — the way you drum your fingers when you’re impatient, or the eyebrow you raise just before you cut off someone’s explanation. They talk about your behavior when you’re not around, and they assign meaning to everything.

You are constantly on your team’s radar. They hear and see everything you do.

Does that make you nervous? How about letting it make you aware instead? Let it teach you that managing is first and foremost a relationship, and behavior is the heart of relationship. Everything you do and say — every behavior — becomes a part of that relationship. The more you are aware of your behavior, the more chances you have to create an effective relationship.

But that’s so artificial, you may be thinking. No, it’s not, although it may feel that way until you get the hang of it. Keep practicing. It is entirely possible to be both aware of what you’re doing, and and authentic about it. Great managers do it all the time.

If you feel overwhelmed, remember — awareness takes practice, and it’s good to start in small and specific ways. Try this exercise: when you get to work every day, smile and say hello, by name, to everyone on your team the very first time you see them. When you are leaving for the day, say goodbye/good night, by name, to everyone on your team who is in the work area. Do this consistently for a week. See what happens.